It was two years ago that my husband suddenly passed away. Thanksgiving was the last holiday we celebrated together. He died four days later.

Even though it’s been two years, caring people still ask me how I am doing. I usually answer with “I’m good. I’m doing okay.” And I am. But deep down inside there is still that hurt, that loss, that grief. At my recent medical check up, my physician asked me, in regards to my husband’s death, how I was doing and I gave him my standard response, “I’m okay.” And then I added, “But I am still grieving.” He gave me a knowing smile and said, “You always will.” Perhaps not the most encouraging thing to hear, but in a sense it was. It made me realize two important things. First of all, I am normal in my grief. Two years isn’t too long to grieve. And, secondly, I don’t have to get over it! I can go on living, even enjoying my life, and still have a place in my heart for the loss I feel.

Thanksgiving is a little different for me now. I have always enjoyed this holiday squeezed between Halloween and Christmas. It comes with a big meal and the family gathered around the table. But there’s less pressure with this holiday as opposed to Christmas and if celebrated correctly the focus is one of gratitude and appreciation. It lends itself to praising God for His faithfulness. Now, however, Thanksgiving is tinged with a touch of sadness as I recall my last Thanksgiving with Paul. But those memories have become precious to me.

I will never forget the sound of his laughter as we sat at the table with the family, enjoying the meal our children had prepared. How he loved the creamed onions and those garlic stuffed olives!

I remember sharing the lists we had made of what we were thankful for. Most of his list involved family members and we joked with him about including his two sons-in-law on the list! We kept the list he had made as a tangible reminder of his last Thanksgiving with us. Another sweet and special memory from that day is him sitting on the couch with one granddaughter at his side watching a kids’ animated movie while our youngest granddaughter, not quite a year old, played contentedly at his feet. It was the last time he saw them.

I have a cousin whose circumstances are similar to mine. She too was a pastor’s wife who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly, and she also still grieves. Recently she posted some pictures from their past on Facebook and she made this comment: “Memories keep getting more valuable.” I know what she means.

I have a treasure trove of memories. From that lingering handshake when we first met to that unsuspecting final kiss, each memory is precious to me. Not all the memories are happy ones, but each one is a treasure. Memories play an active role in grief. They have a dual role, sometimes causing pain and yet giving comfort. Paul impacted my life with his love and leadership, and the memories I have are his imprints on my heart. I am so thankful for them!

As I celebrate Thanksgiving this year and express gratitude for my many blessings, I will also be giving thanks for the memories! Below is the last picture I have of my husband. Taken a month before he passed away, it is my final visual memory of him. But what a happy one it is!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you. –Philippians 1:3

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